My friend, Lucinda, has written the below passage.  I have commented in blue. On the whole, the passage is well written. However she needs to pay attention to little things, like "i" must be capitalised, punctuation marks must be properly spaced (there should be no space before a punctuation mark, but there should be one after) and "more better" is not acceptable.
1. WenZhou is my hometown, peopel here are industrious and enthusiasm,as well as flexible .I find it when i in university, where peopel regards WenZhou person as rich ones.

2. The peopel like sea food very much ,besides some famous snacks,which i can not describe in english.


3. Well New Year Festival is a big day in mainland, we celebrate with relatives and friends,there are a lot activities ,for example,watching Dragon Dance,praying for new year,as well as setting off fireworks and firecrackers.


4.Custom ? I really do not pay much attention to it, in other words,i get used to it., and hardly realised it. However i had to visit my grandparents and set gifts when middle autumn is coming. 


5.Eh i'd like to say , though it is not far form Hangzhou ,the wether in WenZhou is far more better than Hangzhou ,where is too hot in summer and too cold in winter. 

6.Hehe can i use the slang "no pain no gain", we have to pay for the development of past years’ economic grows, the pollution here is very serious…… so i prefer staying home.

1. Wenzhou is my hometown. Wenzhou people are industrious and enthusiastic, as well as flexible. People generally consider that Wenzhou people are rich, which I found out from my classmates after I entered into university (presuming you are still in university).
2. Wenzhou people like sea foods very much, besides some famous snacks, which I cannot describe in English.
3  The Chinese New Year, or the Spring Festival, is a big festival in Mainland China. We celebrate it with relatives and friends. There are a lot of activities, for example, watching dragon dances, praying for blessing for a prosperous new year and playing fireworks and firecrackers.
4  As for customs, I really do not pay much attention to it. In other words, I get used to it and hardly realise it. However, I have to visit my grandparents from time to time. Besides, I have to send gifts to friends or relatives come Mid-autumn Festival (or when the Mid-autumn Festival comes). 
5. I would like to say that although Wenzhou is not too far from Hangzhou, its weather is better than Hangzhou, as it is not as hot in the summer and not as cold in the winter as that of Hangzhou.
6 I think "no pain no gain". Wenzhou has to pay for the developments of past years' economic growth as its pollution is very serious...... so I prefer to stay home.
 
My friend Changchang has submitted an exercise on the subject. I have reviewed and made some corrections. I consider CC's level of English as high. She has a good grasp of English grammar. Basically each and every one of her sentences has a subject, a verb and an object, which is the cardinal rule of good English writing.

I
n my corrections, words in red indicate "a must change" and words in blue indicate "a remmended change" and words in indicate "to be deleted".  
1. I work at a comprehensive (general)publishing house in Beijing. It publishes magzines and all sorts (a variety) of social books.
 
2. Actually I
has have been working as a editor at the book department (of the same company) for almost ten years. SinceIn (in is used as the appointment is a one time thing) 2007, I was appointed as the director of the children’s book editorial department.  

3. As a
n editor, I usually need introducing (need to introduce) foreign books to the Chinese(local)people . In fact, most of them are of (the subject is plural, what follows has to be in piural) English version. So I need to use English communicating (to communicate) with foreign company companies and or on occasions of signing contracts with them as well.

4. When I l
earning learn English I fellfeel the grammar part is the most difficult. I often don’t (do not) know how to organize the a sentences using the correct grammar.

5. I think I need more practice including speaking and writing
in English. I need your instructions and suggestions particularly.  

6. I want to be a
n independent publisher in the publishing children’s book business or a successful writer in the future.  
Here is a revised version of Changchang's exercise incorporating the above "must changes" and "recommended changes"
  
1. I work at a general publishing house in Beijing. It publishes magzines and a variety of social books.

2. Actually I have been working as a editor at the book department of the same company
 for almost ten years. In 2007, I was appointed as the director of the children’s book editorial department.  

3. As an editor, I need to introduce
 foreign books to the local people . In fact, most of them are of English version. So I need to use English to communicate with foreign companies or on occasions of signing contracts with them.

4. When I learn English I feel grammar is the most difficult part. I often do not know how to organize a sentence using correct grammar.

5. I think I need more practice including speaking and writing in English. I need your instructions and suggestions particularly.  

6. I want to be an independent publisher in the publishing children’s book business or a successful writer in the future.